If you don`t like it, change it.
If you can`t change it, surrender.
I have only recently come to understand how powerful this concept really is.
In my life so far, I have been blessed. Rarely ever did I have to face a situation that was unchangeable, and if it was, it did not impact my life in major ways.
I have always had shelter, food and enough means to get by.
I have never been severely ill, nor have any of my beloved family members or friends.
I have lost and found love, but never felt victimized by my heartaches.
Essentially, all of this is still true.
With one minor change in detail:
Since I joined my partner in the US, where we decided to get married and begin the Green Card application process, I have – if even only temporarily – lost major agency in some very important realms of my life.
I left my home, my apartment, my family and my friends behind.
I gave up all my yoga classes, be it in studios, companies or with private clients.
I came with one suitcase, containing a couple of months worth of clothes, shoes, books and personal things.
At the border, I traded my agency, privacy and some fundamental rights of decision making for the right to be with the man I love.
I gave up my right to work.
My right to make an income, but also my right to pursue my passion of teaching yoga in studios or any other settings that require a work permit.
From being a full time yoga teacher, with 7-15 classes per week, I transitioned to volunteering in settings that are very different from a common teaching environment and I am lucky if I get to teach two classes per week.
At the border, I gave up my right to come and go as I please.
As long as my application is being processed, I cannot leave the US – or else I will need to start the whole process all over again, with long term implications for my private and professional life and relationships within and with this country.
I have not been home in almost a year. My grandmother is going to be 92 years old in February and I am aching to join her and my family over the upcoming christmas holidays.
So far, things don`t look good regarding that matter and it would need somewhat of a small miracle to get my permits ready in time to fly home in December.
Don`t get me wrong.
Many good things have happened since I came to Los Angeles in January.
I also believe that the experiences I am making here are priceless and important for my personal growth and understanding of the world.
One of the lessons learned is exactly that:
If you cannot change the things that you don`t like – or only at a very high cost – you need to surrender and ease into them.
I want to be honest with you:
Most times, I am not there yet. But in the short moments that I am able to give up the inner and outer fights and go with the flow instead, I am so much more at ease, so much more confident, so much more energized, so much more hopeful, so much more joyous.
If only catching a glimpse of this truth was the deeper purpose of my journey here, all my struggles and heartaches have already been worth it. It`s an insight that will stay with me for life and I will foster it with gratitude.